GOD Help me to QUIT; I’VE Exhausted My WIT!

#1

Bernie Sanders

Often meanders

While making a point

With his thick finger joint!

#2

Donald J. Trump

A disgusting dim lump—

A thick waste of space

In the sad human race!

#3

Mitch McConnell,

Like old McDonnell,

Had a big farm,

Though Mitch did great harm.

#4

Buzz and Neil

Had real space appeal.

They walked on the moon

Humming Dean’s tune.

(July 20, 1969)

#5

Boris Johnson,

Like Charles Bronson,

The British Prime Minister

Often looks sinister.

#6

Harvey Weinstein,

Not really a finestein,

Made sex a condition.

For a female audition!

#7

Take NBC News

With a stiff shot of booze;

If you watch it dry,

You’ll believe every lie!

#8 (a)

Joe Namath,

Every night proclaimath,

As a Medicare shill,

To those over-the-hill!

#8 (b)

Now old Jimmy Walker,

The late night fast talker,

Has taken Joe’s place—

Dyn-O-Mite human race!

#9

Simon Cowell

Makes people howl;

As an AGT judge

He’s meaner than—fudge?

#10

Then there’s Howie Mandel,

The judge from—well,

He never makes sense

When he’s riding the fence!.

#11

Judge Heidi Klum

Spells Barbi’s doom;

For Heidi’s not plastic,

Just a trifle spastic.

#12

Nancy Pelosi, Head House Rep.

Approaches her role with a great deal of pep;

She stood up to Kevin,

Tossed two of his levin. Amen

#13

U.K. Coach Mark Stoops

Seldom poops;

He’s so tightly wound

That he’s seldom unbound.

#14

Climate Change

Is not home on the range;

It’s wind, flood, and fire

That will make us expire!

#15

Sofia Vergara—Colombian she,

New to the show, she might be

Though she’s always quite game

Her accented views to proclaim.

#16

That leaves Terry Crews,

With muscles to lose;

He’s large as a Plane,

Helicopter or Train.


#17

Miguel Almaguer,

Of the silver-streaked hair;

Some people panic

When they find he’s Hispanic.

#18

Hannah Einbinder,

Where might one now finder?

Not in the water;

She can’t swim like she otter!

[Or, so said her character on Hacks]

#19

First Lady Jill Biden

Might listen to Haydn;

But Her Ed degree

Is not worth its huge fee!

#20

God is the ground of all being,

As Moses discovered on seeing

The bush unconsumed

When by fire it seemed doomed!

#21

The trouble with names

Is finding a rhyme;

A good one takes up

A great deal of time.

Consider Tom Llamas,

Whose name lacks promise;

Yet clear as a bell,

I’ve matched it quite well;

Undermining my point

Knocks my nose out of joint!

He’s named for a beast

Upon which people feast.

[Not a question!]

His ABC News

Was a short weekend snooze,

[Causing me some indigestion!]

But now he’s jumped ships

Doing NBC clips,

Where each one ends with, “Lester!”

No more, I promise

Now that I’ve done Thomas!

Judge Heidi Klum wearing smile all the while, and something else

Judge Heidi Klum wearing smile all the while, and something else

Buzz and Neil plant the flag on the moon, though not in June!

Buzz and Neil plant the flag on the moon, though not in June!

A fitting tribute?

A fitting tribute?