Essays or entries by myself will henceforth and forever more have “les” with the titles or subjects. LES
I’ve been thinking, always a dangerous enterprise. What I have been considering this time [good luck, old man] is the way in which God [who, of course, may or may not be real] intervenes in our lives. What led me to this subject is the current novel I am reading: Poor Banished Children, Fiorella De Maria, a Christian novelist. I am on page 232 out of 300 and I am delighted by the story. The thing is, I came across this novel when I had finished her third Father Gilbert mystery novel. I read the description on Amazon and decided that this was not a novel I wished to read. And yet here I am reading it and being profoundly moved by the story. Secondary Causes: my Christian friend Fred showed up several days ago and mentioned that the author is soon to release a fourth Father Gilbert novel. We talked; he mentioned that Poor Banished Children sounded really interesting. I said I would look again; I did, taking his interest as a sign; it did sound interesting this time; I bought it for my kindle and here I am excited by what I have read thus far and eager to get back to it. And yet here I am writing down my thoughts on secondary causes because, otherwise, I would forget. Okay—for some reason God [who may or may not be real] wants me to read this novel. Why? I can think of various reasons why that might be the case, 3 or 4 or more; honestly, I have no real idea though, for that is not the way secondary causes work.
This morning I was reading in the April Magnificat about Saint Catherine of Sienna, one of my favorite saints, that I might have such a clear and commanding vision of Christ and be as ardent as all the saints described in Magnificat each month. Just one little clarifying vision, dream or appearance. And yet, nothing—until I happened to remember how I came to be reading Poor Banished Children.
I keep thinking, my pain is nothing like Christ’s must have been on getting nailed, nailed, for God’s sake, or hanging there for three hours, for our sakes. Talk about agony! And yet, last night it felt as though someone was driving a needle through the back of my already painful left hand. Fortunately, I have Biofreeze and Diazepam! A divine hand manifested itself above my nightstand and plopped them down there. They helped; I could sleep. Or, secondary causes made them available. Andrew, my Commonwealth care giver, ordered the ointment I had never heard of; Dr. Schloemer, the diazepam; he is also the doctor who is initially responsible for helping to save my leg.
Secondary Causes: And yet… there are my numerous on-going medical problems, top of body to bottom; left eye; stopped up nose; hearing; broken tooth; neck—fused vertebrae; both hands [numb and perpetually painful]; urine—with catheter [can’t pee well]; prostate [probably why I can’t pee well]; vascular blockage—legs [3 operations]; knees—rheumatoid pain a.m.]; feet—right, gangrene [defeated, finally]; feet—left, 3 wounds, infected, bones visible—bleah>mostly healed. I frequently feel like Job; my wife has said, “Why don’t you just ‘Curse God and die?’” And yet, I believe secondary causes are at work here too.
After all, my eldest son, who doesn’t seem to like me much at the moment, was there for me almost every day at the hospital and got me through a very painful wait at the hospital eye doctor’s office, as well as supervising my meals at Berea, making sure they were edible; fortunately for me [and him too] he married an excellent woman who participated in my super hospital care; numerous hospital staff, Lexington and Berea. Then there are the 3 men who go above and beyond super home health care, including daily cleanup: my daughter’s husband, actually my favorite son-in-law, who does numerous clean up things, including sponge baths and the nasty, as well as driving me to the Lexington foot doctor once a week lately; my second son who also does numerous things, some of them nasty as well, and who still seems to like me, thank Goodness; and third, my good friend, who shares the nasty with the other two and visit’s regularly in addition and brings the Eucharist on Sunday mornings. In addition there is my daughter who unselfishly shares her husband and does visits and food and the nasty paper work associated with my illness. Finally there is my wife who takes care of all the other things at home, meals, laundry, night medicine, and some of the nasty every day (that damn catheter bag) and from time to time chores. According to her I am the champion catheter bag filler. Among other things! Let’s hear it for the letter P! At least she still has a sense of humor, mostly; seems to go along with her temper. Mostly! “I’ve got a wife at home! I’ve got a wife at home! I’ve got a wife, she’s the apple of my life, but I…. “ er, forget.
Then there are the fantastic Commonwealth care-givers: Andrew who is most present most frequently and excellent in foot care and Marvel TV series; and Chris who has been doing the once-a-month catheter switch, as well as foot wrapping, along with the various others from Commonwealth who had other tasks—upper body exercise, Steve; lower body exercise, Jason; etc.
The more I think about it, the more I have come to believe that secondary cause is always operative. Amen!
Image: looks like Simon!
