THE RIME OF THE ANCIENT MARINER: LES

I have been reading and thinking about this wonderful poem—The Rime of the Ancient Mariner—for several weeks now. I even bought a Klingon version of the text [with translation] and Gustave Dore’s illustrations. I have read the poem beginning to end at least three times now, along with rereading various sections of the seven section poem a number of times. Not until I chanced upon a section of Bishop Fulton Sheen’s Life of Christ this morning [secondary causes] that I began really to understand it. The poem after all essentially begins with the image of a Wedding and with one of the Bridegroom’s kinsman being stopped and held by the storyteller, the Ancient Mariner:

It is an ancient Mariner,

And he stoppeth one of three.

'By thy long grey beard and glittering eye,

Now wherefore stopp'st thou me?

The Bridegroom's doors are opened wide, 5

And I am next of kin;

The guests are met, the feast is set:

May'st hear the merry din.'

He holds him with his skinny hand,

'There was a ship,' quoth he. 10

Bishop Sheen’s point makes clear to me the antithesis that takes place in the poem. As the Bishop explains, in the Gospel of John, Christ’s revelation of who he is begins, somewhat reluctantly, at the wedding of Cana, which would have been a time of union, of joining together a man and a woman, a time of joy, of guests, feasting and celebration with, of course, plenty of wine. Sheen is contrasting the feasting and joy of the wedding and the Public Revelation that comes with the first miracle with the sorrow of the crucifixion that looms in the future:

“That counterpoint of joy and sorrow in the life of Christ is found again in His first miracle which took place in the village of Cana. It is part of His pattern, that He Who came to preach a crucifixion of disordered flesh, should have begun His Public Life by assisting at a marriage feast.” (Sheen, 85)

Sheen explains the symbolic aspect present in the event:
“A marriage feast is an occasion for much joy; and wine is served as a symbol of that joy. At the feast of Cana, which had such symbolic importance, the Cross did not cast a shadow over the joy; rather the joy came first, and then the Cross. But when the joy had been accomplished the shadow of the Cross cast itself over the feast.“ (Sheen, 85)

Significantly the poem begins in the present tense, with a fact and an action: “It is an ancient Mariner, / And he stoppeth one of three.” Suddenly we are present there too and do not find the man’s question unreasonable: old man, why have you stopped me? The doors of the hall are wide open, I am the Bridegroom’s next of kin, the guests are gathered, the feast is ready, and you can already hear the merriment within [“the merry din”].

The answer to the question, in a sense, reflects the pattern in the Gospel story: on the one hand, there is a wedding celebration and all that represents, as Sheen makes clear; on the other hand, there is, as immediate as the Wedding, a Story! “There was a ship…” Over against the significance of the Wedding, there is the significance of the Story, and the Story is one of sin, death, alienation and redemption. Here indeed, I think, the shadow of the [Gospel] story falls across the meaning of the Wedding story taking place over against the Mariner’s retelling.

Before we deal further with the pattern of events in the poem, the journey, there is another reference from Sheen that I would like to cite as it may shed some light [pun intended] on the significance of two dominant images occurring throughout the poem—the sun and the moon:

“What a magnificent valedictory! She [Jesus’ mother, Mary] never speaks again in Scripture. Seven times she had spoken in the Scriptures, but now that Christ had shown Himself, like the sun in the full brilliance of His Divinity, Our Lady was willingly overshadowed like the moon, as John later on described her.” (Sheen, 91). The “valedictory” Sheen refers to here is her command to the wine-steward: “Do whatever He tells you.” Whether or not the sun is an image of the divine son in the poem or the moon an image of Mary his mother, their meaning in the poem is worth attending to and at times tends to reflect the action in the poem

The journey and the story begin: “There was a ship” and like the wedding the voyage begins “merrily” as well:

'The ship was cheered, the harbour cleared,

Merrily did we drop

Below the kirk, below the hill,

Below the lighthouse top….’

Charles Williams has written [somewhere] that there are two ways into the dance: the way of the affirmation of images and the way of the negation of images. In reference to God, for example, this also is Thou; neither is this Thou. On the one hand, since God is the source of all being, all images can reveal God, their creator; on the other hand, since no image, no thing, is God, all images can hide or conceal God. Marriage is the central event Williams associates with the way of affirmation; the hermit (or monk) is the vocation he associates with the way of the negation of images. In The Rime of the Ancient Mariner the Mariner doesn’t choose the way of the hermit though his action causes him to experience it; Death takes his 200 mates while Life-in-Death wins him, apparently. The poem, however, brings him face to face with the real Hermit near the end of the poem.

The act that causes his estrangement occurs at the end of section I; however, first we are introduced to one of the central images of the poem, the Albatross:

At length did cross an Albatross,

  Thorough the fog it came;

  As if it had been a Christian soul, 65

  We hailed it in God's name.

It ate the food it ne'er had eat,

  And round and round it flew.

  The ice did split with a thunder-fit;

  The helmsman steered us through! 70

The fact that the crew “hailed it in God’s name” powerfully suggests that we should see the bird as an image of the way of affirmation: the presence of the divine in the mariners’ lives; the language even suggests that the mariners believe, for a time, that bird is in some sense rescuing them from the terrible physical conditions involving ice and wind. The southern region of ice into which the ship has been driven may also reflect the final circle (9) or condition in Dante’s Inferno, the region of betrayal where all humanity is lost and the human soul remains forever frozen in the sin it has refused to repent and has preferred to God. In any case the Mariner likewise sins greatly by destroying the image of the divine, the “pious” bird, and thus betraying the creature and violating the law of hospitality; they fed the Albatross “food it had ne’er had eat,” (even suggestive of the Eucharist) and the ancient Mariner “inhospitably” kills it. [Souls in Dante’s 9th circle are also guilty of this sin of betrayal.]

[Sidenote: And lo! the Albatross proveth a bird of good omen, and followeth the ship as it returned northward through fog and floating ice.]

And a good south wind sprung up behind;

  The Albatross did follow,

  And every day, for food or play,

  Came to the mariners' hollo!

In mist or cloud, on mast or shroud, 75

  It perched for vespers nine;

  Whiles all the night, through fog-smoke white,

  Glimmered the white moon-shine."

[Sidenote: The ancient Mariner inhospitably killeth the pious bird of good omen.]

"God save thee, ancient Mariner!

  From the fiends, that plague thee thus!— 80

  Why look'st thou so?"—"With my cross-bow

  I shot the Albatross….”

The Wedding Guest’s response to the narrator’s demeanor immediately suggests the deeper layer of meaning present in the action of the story: the Mariner needs divine redemption from his terrible act / sin and the demons or fiends that “plague” him. What follows from this point then are the terrible consequences of his action, spelled out in exquisite images and his movement to repentance, redemption, salvation.

[Three months since I wrote that. I intended to discuss each of the six remaining sections; however, having just read the above, I will “publish” this much and simply urge you to read the poem. I may add something later that just occurred to me, but for now I have said enough. Read the poem. It’s excellent, delightful, insightful—strange and, yes, fun: “water, water everywhere/And all the boards did shrink!/Water, water everywhere/Nor any a drop to drink!” That quote is from memory so it may not be quite accurate, but see for yourself. And think about that quote. The meaning is in the details, and more complex than it first appears! Fill your minds with great poetry! Unlike silver and gold, you can take that with you, I think! Okay. I began with a Star Trek reference; let me end with another. As Spock would say in leaving someone, hand raised, fingers spread, “Live long and prosper!” And if you care to see Captain Kirk as perhaps a Kierkegaardian Knight of Infinite Resignation, watch the first season episode, The City at the Edge of Forever, written by Harlen Ellison. It’s available on Prime. Ha!]

BITCH, BITCH, BITCH! LES

The Worker: Coming Up Short

I worked all day in His vineyard;

Pete worked just an hour or two!

Yet he got paid the same as me!

I ask you now just what’s his due?

I agreed to a full day’s wage,

I agreed, that’s true;

But in all fairness, you must see,

Pete should not get the same as me!

I’ll never work for Him again,

No more to clip His vines!

Just to see His grapes grow fine,

Fit to produce smart wine!

What the Hell does He think this is?

Some bloody charity?

Incomprehensible, I think!

To give the same to him, to me!

Well, let the others till and hoe,

Let them His weeds remove!

I’m off to another country,

With a payout I‘ll approve.

So farewell, all you fools who stay

To work for such an untoward man!

I’ll get my just desserts elsewhere—

And any way I can, you bet,

Any way I can!

NOTHING WILL SUFFICE—LES

Via Negativa

(not in this verse)

Not in the Rose,

Not in the Thorn,

Not in the cool

September morn!

Not in the Head,

Not in the Heart,

Not to be found

In any part!

Not in the Bride,

Not in the Groom;

Not in this Room,

Nor that empty Tomb!

Not to be grasped,

Not to behold,

Sinner beware,

God is not bold!

Cross not this line

Written in dust,

For Being Is—

Stranger than Just!

Nothing is real,

Illusion rules;

His coat of arms—

Color it gules!

Cross not this line,

Seek in the dark;

Not in detail,

Not in that Ark!

Matter betrays,

Take it apart,

Nothing prevails—

Where must one start?

Close all your eyes,

Shut down your mind,

Begin afresh—

You! God will find!

…EXCEPT GOD HIMSELF (non nisi te, as Thomas replied)

The maxim: This also is Thou; neither is this Thou!

Exodus 3:13-15

Image: Jackson County Sky (JSW)

LOVE FOUND! LES

The Golden Kiss

I met her on the bottom stair,

She coming down, I waiting there;

I held her fair with hands and heart,

Told her that we would never part.

Such promises betray our trust,

And all our loves turn then to dust!

The kiss we gave to each that day,

Fond memory of our love at play.

That kiss is now a real icon

Of God the Lover’s fresh beyond—

Who hides within all matter here

And woos too ardently, I fear!

I lost my heart once with that kiss,

But found an earnest of real bliss.

Image: Gustave Klimt’s The Kiss

LOVE LOST—LES

Mary

She walks in

With the daylight,

Wearing easy smile;

Who knew sin

Could shine so bright,

Cover up such guile?

Raven tresses

Grace her neck,

Glisten in moonlight;

Cotton dresses

Her figure deck,

Enhancing all eyesight!

Now she’s gone

For good, I think,

Leaving me behind;

Heartsick pawn,

I take to drink—

Love can be unkind!

Image: Gia Sandhu in Strange New Worlds: T’Pring, Spock’s Vulcan woman. Also, another brown-skinned maiden. Try to keep up! “Distracted from distraction by distraction.” TSE

DONKEY—LES

Donkey’s Burden

I stopped by my manger, humble yet proud,

Just a poor donkey, not cowed by no crowd—

A flea-bitten burro, itchy and grey,

Ancient, forsaken, my food dirty hay.

Into this stable on that fateful night,

I brought royal girl, her face full of light;

Mary, he called her, she light on my back,

From afar I brought her, kept to wide track.

In from the country, no Inn for her rest,

Just a grim stable where she was now guest.

Down to piled straw next my dirty manger,

He placed her gently, fraught for her danger.

She cried only once, then smiled through her pain,

As though giving birth were blessing and gain.

I knelt beside them in my awkward way,

Hoping to shield them from dark winds at play.

She wrapped him tight, held him close to her breast;

The stable’s dark shadow fell on her chest.

If I was a bright beast, not just an ass,

I’d speak quite clearly what next came to pass:

For Heaven exploded, music and light,

Voices, choirs singing, now crowds in the night!

My world was unmade, no place for an ass,

Until Mary’s touch said this too shall pass—

Said peace gentle beast, God’s with us at last!

THEM! LES

Identity Question

They is a mask I choose to wear

To hide my I, avoid despair—

Hiding my gender, not he/she,

Rejecting sublime thoughts of me.

Particularity is way

Too specific for me as they—

Like clouds and rain, green grass in May,

Sunshine, rainbows, our dog at play.

They make our choice easy to choose,

Rejecting concrete hardcore booze—

Whisky and Guinness, rye and gin,

All those goddamn notions of sin!

So there, you shits, who hate my they,

Crosses and darkness at midday—

Jesus, Satan, so Christians say!

Who knows what’s real? we ask, we pray!

Who knows what’s real? not me, not they.

PILATE THINKS! VERSE—LES

Pilate’s Cogito

What is truth? said jesting Pilate.

[Go! Claudia, Wait in the wings!

I’m dealing with important stuff

Here, talking to this king of kings!

I’m talking to this king of kings!

He’s telling me a thing or two,

About the starry skies and stuff,

How he, like, made the Cosmos bright,

And, I’m about to call his bluff,

You see, about to call his bluff!]

So, tell me, Jesus, Lord of Lords,

While I write your iconic sign,

To nail upon your heavy cross,

Just why my post I should resign!

Just tell me why I should resign!

You’ve got my mind a bit upset,

You seem to be a careful man;

Innocent of Kingdom’s desires,

Innocent of an unjust plan!

Not guilty of an unjust plan.

So here we are, iconic man;

I’ll give this robust crowd a choice:

Barabbas, thief, unsavory beast,

Or Jesus on a cross to hoist?

Someone will die given this choice!

We’ll nail someone with this good choice!

Behold the man, I said to them;

I wash my hands of this whole mess!

It stinks of sulphur, fire and sin,

My conscience clear, I must confess,

My conscience clear of this whole mess!

They chose Barabbas? Holy Hell!

Scourge Jesus then, good soldiers true,

Nail Him fast to that bloody cross;

Scourge His back till His blood’s like glue!

Let’s see then who will cry, All hail!

Lord of the cross, the thick iron nail,

Lord of the cross, who’ll cry All Hail?

America’s Song: A Horse with no Name

[Listen on U-Tube]

[I do not know why I put the words here; I like the song; it gallops through my head, off and on all day, especially the refrain! It felt right too! So, I guess I do know.]

On the first part of the journey I was looking at all the life There were plants and birds and rocks and things There was sand and hills and rings The first thing I met was a fly with a buzz And the sky with no clouds The heat was hot, and the ground was dry But the air was full of sound I've been through the desert On a horse with no name It felt good to be out of the rain In the desert, you can remember your name 'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain La, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la, la After two days in the desert sun My skin began to turn red After three days in the desert fun I was looking at a river bed And the story it told of a river that flowed Made me sad to think it was dead You see I've been through the desert On a horse with no name It felt good to be out of the rain In the desert, you can remember your name 'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain La, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la, la After nine days, I let the horse run free 'Cause the desert had turned to sea There were plants and birds and rocks and things There was sand and hills and rings The ocean is a desert with it's life underground And a perfect disguise above Under the cities lies a heart made of ground But the humans will give no love You see I've been through the desert On a horse with no name It felt good to be out of the rain In the desert, you can remember your name 'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain La, la, la, la, la, la

Image: Ecce Homo ("Behold the Man"), Antonio Ciseri's depiction of Pilate presenting a scourged Jesus to the people of Jerusalem

Image: Claudia Procula, Pilate’s wife [perhaps]; Greek icon of Saint Procla (Hagia Prokla)

PART 3: GEMMA & the DRAGON

Part 3: Gemma and the Dragon

My gain though, I suspect, really. Beauty is finally an intangible in this world, certainly the beauty of a mysterious maiden. Perhaps only an expense of spirit in a waste of shame, after all, as the Poet wrote of lust in action some time ago. You may see her beauty, you may have her, but you can not possess her beauty anymore than you can have the beauty of a bright silver moon or a lovely golden sunset. He turned toward the horizon. The sun indeed has hastened to the west and I had best hurry. Even my horse will wonder where I am if I do not return sometime soon. Would I could slay the dragon quickly and leave this mountain to return to horse and village for the night. And to the lovely Gemma! God help me persevere and overcome this beast.

The Knight watched them go, then turned back to the final ascent to the dragon’s lair.

. . .

The Knight climbed steadily, only glancing up from time to time to check the position of the sun. Odd, he thought; it almost looks as if the sun has stopped in the western sky with not a cloud to hinder its heat. He paused and considered. That’s not possible unless there’s a miracle above and beyond. Well, he thought, I have a quest to complete! Miracle or not!

As the Knight turned his gaze to the steep path ahead, he saw a shimmering white form apparently some ways before him. What now? he wondered. It looks like a horse; but not a horse, he thought slightly confused. Perhaps the sun has addled my mind under this metal helm. He climbed hesitantly toward the new creature.

As the Knight drew closer, he found himself facing a very serious unicorn that was looking severely back at him. Goodness, his mind seemed to recoil. I thought unicorns were a myth. No one has seen one in my lifetime that I have heard of, but after the lion and serpent, and the varlet and maiden, who can really judge the truth of what one sees on this mountain?

Approaching, he called out: “Friend or foe? Are you here to help or hinder?” The unicorn shook its head and snorted, blowing out frothy air. Its silvery white horn seemed like a challenge as it shone in the intense sunlight. As before a word floated in the air above the strange beast and spiraled into his brain: Chastity! Sir Dinadin, he heard as though a mighty cataract had fallen upon him. He sank to his knees before the thunderous sound.

When he looked up again, the unicorn was gone, navigating the steep descent of the mountainside with practiced ease, then nothing but a white streak in the gentle wind. Chastity? I have been chaste, thought the Knight, unless a few lascivious thoughts count against me. But I am done with the brown-skinned maiden, surely, God willing! The thought no sooner entered his mind than she appeared before him again, fetching as always, her brown body shining above and below the short shift she wore. She was smiling again, her shoulders and too shapely legs gleaming in the sunlight.

“Well, Sir Dinadin, you do not get rid of me that easily, for I am always nearby. One kiss this time and I shall leave you alone for the nonce! And you have never asked for my name though I know yours quite well! I am called Adhara, after the star. I have come for your kiss, Sir Dinadin! That I may treasure it always as you ride off to your doom!”

“No,” replied the Knight. He looked into her dark eyes and spoke again. “I have seen the unicorn on the mountain. Your power over my mind is lost. Take yourself back to poor Lackamore and tempt me no more.”

The Knight looked in astonishment as the beautiful Adhara began to change before him into a shrunken, wrinkled old woman. “No,” she screamed once, fighting the transformation, and then vanished from his sight forever.

The Knight fell to his knees and made the sign of the cross over his heart. He arose and the way before him was steep but clear. Adhara, he thought, not so young and beautiful after all! Chastity is a formidable virtue. No wonder the monks at the Abbey value it so. Who would have thought?

The form of the brown-skinned maiden was gone from his mind as he resumed his ascent. He could see farther up on the side of the mountain the dragon’s dark lair beckoning. Again he began to climb toward it while the sun held its place in the western sky.

As he neared the entrance a dark shadow passed over the ground beside him. He looked up and saw an enormous eagle with a giant wingspan gliding above him. Its shadow passed over him again, and like a still small voice in his mind, he heard, “One thing you lack, Sir Dinadin. Wisdom! That is the final virtue with which you must arm yourself! Now go and face your enemy.”

Sir Dinadin did not raise his head, but climbed the final path to the Dragon’s Cave, where he found the Dragon waiting. To his great surprise the massive beast was lying near the front of his cave. It raised its head as the Knight approached, but it did not get to its feet. The Dragon was a blackish green and covered with scales. Small coils of smoke curled up from its cavernous nostrils as it stared at him. Then the voice of the Dragon was heard in the land.

“You have climbed well, Sir Knight, Sir Dinadin! Most do not make it this high. As you can see should you choose to look, my cave contains the bones of those who dared.” The Dragon moved his left clawed foot slightly and a human skull tumbled toward the Knight. “You cannot kill me, Knight, for I am eternal, so keep your sword in your sheath and your shield strapped to your back. My name is Baal, Beelzebub, Belial, Lucifer, Ashtoroth, immortal Satan, Lord of the Flies that will eat what is left of your flesh once you are well roasted!”

“It seems you boast too much, beast of fire,” said Sir Dinadin, unstrapping the diamond-covered shield from his back, removing its leather cover and drawing his sword. “And your claim is false! No beast is immortal, no matter how long-lived.”

The Dragon seemed to chuckle, then opened its mouth and shot a stream of fire at the knight. The fire hit the glowing shield, keeping it from Dinadin. The heat was intense.

“So,” said the Dragon, “You have an effective defense! In the long haul it will do you no good. You will grow weary and your body and arms will fail. My fires will consume you! Perhaps we should play chess!”

“What? Play chess? I did not climb all this way for a game, especially against one who is a liar and a cheat! Besides, you said the flies will feast on my flesh. Are you feeling threatened?”

“Your puny sword and shield cannot threaten the likes of me.”

“You may have seen that my shield repelled your terrible fire, but it has another virtue as well. You are not the only one here with the power of fire, monstrous as you are and smoking like a furnace! Watch!”

Dinadin held the shield above his head pointed toward the stalled sun in the west whose rays hit the shield with supernatural power. He quickly brought the shield down before the Dragon’s huge head. The Dragon rose quickly to his feet and stretched to his full height, dwarfing the Knight.

“Even so, Little One, you will die here, crying for mercy and receiving none from me! Consider yourself dead as of now.” The Dragon’s fierce flames again hit Sir Dinadin’s shield, only this time the shield did not scatter them but took them and returned them tenfold to the Dragon, who screamed and unfurled his gigantic leathery wings. It sprang into the air and over the Knight. Dinadin followed the flight of the Dragon, keeping his shield ever between them, as the Dragon circled the sky above the Knight.

Sir Dinadin’s shield now faced the sun, absorbing more of the sun’s powerful fire and light. With his mind he released the energy of the sun-powered shield, directing its blast at the Dragon. Again the fire hit the Dragon, scorching its wings, shriveling them and sending the Dragon tumbling like a fiery meteor toward the bottom of the mountain. The ground of the Devil’s Mountain appeared to open to receive the beast just as it. As Sir Dinadin looked to where the Dragon had seemed to fall; all he saw was a large crater, still smoking, as if hit by a cosmic source.

The Knight looked into the cave, but did not see the small version of the many-named beast hiding back in the darkness. He looked in at the bones of those who had gone before him, offered a prayer for them, then sheathed his still shining sword, then covered and strapped the powerful shield once more onto his back.

The Knight turned slowly away from the charnel cave and started the long walk down the mountain to his horse, the village, and his own sweet love. They that wait upon the Lord, he thought, shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. Still, he felt exhausted from the ascent and battle well won, in spite of the odds. The image of Gemma filled his mind and he picked up the pace, singing Te Adoro to the sky as he and the sun descended together.

[Thus concludes this narrative of Gemma and the Dragon. The narrator fervently hopes there was at least some small treasure worth finding herein, especially if you have struggled up the mountain with Sir Dinadin, the good, the strong and the wise Christian knight.]

Alleluia

Image: St. George fighting his dragon under the sign of the Red Cross, as in Spenser, and rescuing the maiden, who is neither brown-skinned nor black-haired—alas!

Second image: the final brown-skinned maiden with wolf before her demise?

PART 2: …the DRAGON! LES

Gemma and the Dragon, continued

Part 2

Nonsense, he thought. I am strong and have some courage. I have Gemma’s token which she gave me freely even though I am a bit of a fool. She, lovely as she is, is not a brown-skinned maiden, thank the good God, and I love her mightily! Dragon, you will die, or on second thought, I may too. In any case, Strength!

. . .

The Knight was almost to the large rectangular rock when a monstrous yellow, green and black serpent slithered out of a dark hole behind the rock. The colorful geometric patterns on its skin appeared to shift and rearrange themselves. The serpent moved onto the path on the mountain, raised its head and looked at the Knight with its black serpent eyes and shifting designs. The Knight put his right hand on the hilt of his sword and watched the oddly colored snake flick its red tongue in and out of its large mouth.

The serpent brought its long thick body onto the trail and coiled the body around itself with only the head sticking out of the coil. The head was now above waist height; the snake was not exactly menacing, though it was certainly a force with which the Knight had to reckon.

The Knight stopped well back from the serpent, kept his hand on the sword’s hilt but did not draw it, having learned caution and some patience from his encounter with the lion. The man and beast looked at one another.

“Well, Serpent, are we to talk or fight? Will you either tell me something, like the lion, or will you remove your large colorful self from my path before I lop off your head?” He pulled his sword up a few inches from the scabbard. The serpent continued to flick its tongue into the air as if tasting its quality. It did not appear afraid.

The word Subtlety, like Strength, floated above the serpent and into the air, coiling and uncoiling into the Knight’s mind. Subtlety, he thought, as the long thick serpent unwound itself and wove its way off the path and down the mountain, leaving the Knight more perplexed than usual. Will I need Subtlety, as I need Strength, in dealing with the dragon? he wondered. Has the serpent given me a gift? Has the lion? Curious things we Knights see on our quests. I remember good Sir Gawain’s tale of his meeting with an ax-bearing green knight which the priest, hight Ambrose, wrote down for the ages. And the entire round table of knights then went heighing off after Our Good Lord’s Chalice. Had I been there I would undoubtedly have taken my horse and rode out as well. The last I heard, it had not gone well for the lot of them. Probably too many brown-skinned maidens in their way! He chuckled, but then immediately felt guilty and wondered if his quest would also fail for some sinful flaw in his character. Always act better than you are in order to become better, he thought again, having nearly failed the last test.

The Knight decided he had rested enough; he walked past the rock and followed the path around the mountain to his right. The path had coiled somewhat like the serpent.

The gentle turn made walking and ascending easier, but he thought that was a bit ominous too. Who knows what lies ahead? Would that I had a stout fighter like Sir Lancelot with me, or that, what’s his name, that Pagan Knight, an Arab, a Saracen I think, but our Saracen, thank God! A good friend to all of King Arthur’s knights. Sagamore, perhaps? Rasheed? I can’t remember. He went after the Grail too, for he was there with the others, and they said his brown and dusty face shined like the Christians in its presence. Well, the good LORD be with me here and now, and give me strength and subtlety too if that be necessary.

After a hundred yards the path coiled back around to the western side and then wove its way upward toward the dragon’s dark lair. Would that I had thought to bring a lance, as well as my sword and shield, though carrying that too would have been burdensome. Ah well, what’s done is done, but what’s that bundle on the path up ahead? I don’t think that was there a moment ago. The Knight moved forward cautiously, kicking small gravel aside and ever climbing up.

As he approached the figure on the path, he saw it was a person like himself, perchance a wounded dragon fighter too. Another knight. The Knight kneeled and put his right hand on the knight”s exposed neck. The Knight found a weak pulse. He unclipped his canteen, removed the cork, then held up the man’s head with his left hand while putting the canteen to his lips. The fallen knight opened his mouth slightly and drank the water.

“Thank you, Sir Knight, I was well nigh dying of thirst when you stopped your ascent and gave me your water. What is your name, if I may ask my kind Samaritan?”

The Knight hesitated. “This is an evil mountain,” he said. “I have seen things that have stunned me and I think you are human and in need, but I hesitate to give you my name, though the bewitching powers here seem to know it already. Ah well, I…”

“Sir Dinadin!” said a feminine voice from behind him. “Look at you helping my fallen knight, Sir Lackamore. How good of you! I wondered what had happened to him when he failed to meet me at the flat rock. I see he is alive and prospering under your kind care.”

The fallen knight tried to sit up. The brown-skinned maiden from before pushed past Dinadin and put a vial to the fallen knight’s lips. “Drink this, my sweet. You will feel like new and your wounds will heal, for I can see that you are burned under your tunic and mail.”

The Knight tried to stop the brown maiden, but he was too late. The fallen knight, Sir Lackamore, had already swallowed. The maiden smiled up at the Knight, a mischievous sly grin. “I could have been yours, my good Sir Dinadin, if only you had come with me. As it is I shall help this fallen knight to my house in yonder dark wood down the mountain and let him stay till he fully recovers.”

The Knight gulped and thought of consequences, pleasant consequences, he thought. He took control of his thoughts and replied, “Stay with me, Sir Lackamore! I think you will be safer facing the dragon again. If you go into the dark woods with her, I fear you may never come out. It’s true she is fetching and luscious in all the right places, but she is more deadly than a nest of vipers. She would distract a knight from distraction itself, and you may very well lose your soul in the process.”

“Nonetheless,” said Lackamore, “I feel stronger now and will let her lead me to her woodland home, where I might heal of all my ills.”

“Good Lord!” started the Knight. “You are deceived, I am certain.”

“Better deceived by a present beauty than following a hidden God to almost certain death! I appreciate your help, but will take my chance with this lovely kind maiden.” The fallen knight rose slowly to his feet with the help of the brown-skinned maiden, turned his thin face to Sir Dinadin, grinned fatuously, and started back down the path, limping slightly but holding on to the maiden’s arm. As before she looked over her should at the Knight and grinned brightly. He heard “Your loss,” float towards him from below.

My gain though, I suspect, really. Beauty is finally an intangible in this world, certainly the beauty of a mysterious maiden. Perhaps she is only an expense of spirit in a waste of shame, after all, as the Poet wrote of lust in action some time ago. You may see her beauty, you may have her, but you can not possess her beauty anymore than you can have the beauty of a bright silver moon or a lovely golden sunset. He turned toward the horizon. The sun indeed has hastened to the west and I had best hurry. Even my horse will wonder where I am if I do not return sometime soon. Would I could slay the dragon quickly and leave this mountain to return to horse and village for the night. And to the lovely Gemma! God help me persevere and overcome this beast.

The Knight watched them go, then turned back to the final ascent to the dragon’s lair.

[To be continued in Part 3: Gemma and the Dragon

Image: another brown-skinned maiden! Indeed, the narrator’s world seems full of them.

Second image: contemporary brown-skinned maiden with wolf; they’re everywhere, it seems!]

PART 1: GEMMA and… LES

Gemma and the Dragon

“The LORD is close to all who call him, who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and he saves them. The LORD keeps watch over all who love him.” Ps 145: 18-20

The Knight swung out of the saddle of his tall roan stallion and fastened the reins to a flourishing bush at the foot of the mountain. The horse began nibbling on the green bush.

The entrance to the Dragon’s cave was high up the side of the steep Devil’s Mountain, but the Knight was determined to encounter the beast in his lair and free the village from the monthly ravaging. Clad in distinctive armor, including winged helm, breastplate, silver shoes with golden buckles, and carrying a long broadsword at his side as well as a shield studded with diamonds strapped to his back, he started up the mountain.

No sooner had he set foot on the steep rise than his foot kicked loose a small rock that rolled with a clatter behind him. The assault on his mind began at once.

A seeming page boy with dim hollow eyes, dressed in a tight scarlet long sleeve shirt with small ruffles at his wrists and tight scarlet pants that molded his thin legs, stood before him holding a golden chalice. It was filled with a sweet red wine. “Aren’t you thirsty, Sir Dinadin? Wouldn’t you like a cool drink of sweet wine from the Grail before your arduous assent?” He held out his golden chalice to the Knight.

The Knight put his right hand on the hilt of the sword strapped on his left waist. He started to draw the sword though he saw that the page who had suddenly appeared before him was unarmed except for the chalice. He withdrew his hand and discovered that his thirst was profound. “That’s not the Grail, varlet! Begone Sprite, scarlet varlet!” he roared at the seeming boy, who began to diminish in the bright light of the sun on the mountainside. “If I thirst I have blessed water in my canteen, cool holy water blessed by the village priest before I set out!” Here he slapped the canteen on the right side of his waist, fastened to his leather belt that also held the scabbard for his sword. The sound of the slap echoed around the valley behind him. The boy in scarlet moved back, though the Knight saw that the boy’s feet scarcely touched the mountain side.

The Knight unclipped the canteen from his belt, uncorked the bottle and took a mouthful of water, swallowed it, took a second swig and shot a stream of water at the figure in scarlet, hitting it full in the chest. The creature screamed and vanished in the proverbial puff of smoke. “Ha!” Shouted the Knight! “I knew thee for the evil thing thou wert! Sprite of the devil, supernatural villain! Gone and good riddance.” He reattached the canteen to his belt after taking another short drink and thought it was likely to be a long hot day. He wiped the sweat off his forehead with his bare hand. He looked back to see that his horse was content.

Satisfied with his horse, the Knight turned toward the mountain he had barely started to climb. He was on a path of sorts that he saw led up through a grove of dark woods, perhaps a hundred yards ahead. His resolve about his task began to waver. Perhaps I was too hasty to agree to this quest, he thought. But the village was counting on him, and the dark haired Gemma who had given him her white scarf as a token which he could feel against his bare chest under his thin woolen shirt and fine mail armor and breast plate. Gemma, he had loved her the first moment he saw her when he rode through the village with the King’s men a year and a day ago. Christ, she was beautiful, he thought, with her shining dark eyes and long black hair, ample bosom, supple waist and narrow ankles. He would fight a hundred dragons if that’s what it took to win her love! With his resolve firmly in place once again, he began the climb to the woods and the cave of the dragon somewhere beyond.

Soon the path led the Knight up into the dark wood on the mountainside. As he entered the woods of tightly growing trees on either side of the footpath, he heard the eerie sound of a wolf howling in the distance; a much closer wolf answered. Ahead on the path in the woods the Knight saw a large grey shape apparently waiting for him. Good God, he thought, do I have to fight a wolf pack before I get anywhere near the Dragon? He crossed himself, drew his long sharp sword and continued toward the creature snarling before him. The wolf was huge, almost chest tall, though it also seemed thin and ravenous. Its bright yellow eyes watched the knight as he approached; suddenly it threw back its large head and howled, which was immediately answered by two other very close wolves from inside the woods, one on either side of the Knight.

Three of the monsters, thought the Knight. Are they real or are they seemings like the scarlet varlet? One way to find out, he said to himself and rushed the enormous wolf on the path. The wolf leaped and as it did, the Knight swung his sword, two-handed, into the wolf’s neck, almost severing its head. The wolf crashed to the ground, blood gushing from its deep fatal wound. The Knight quickly turned to find the other two wolves coming up behind him, snarling viciously. He held his bloodied sword before him and hoped they wouldn’t attack together. He waved the sword before him, daring them to advance. “Come on Fenrir!” he shouted, “come join your dead mate!”

The two wolves stopped on the path, growled loudly, and lowered their heads, showing their large fangs. The Knight, holding his sword before him, took a step towards them. They raised their heads and started to back away. The Knight glanced over his shoulder to check on the wolf he had downed. There was blood on the path but the severely wounded wolf had vanished. He quickly turned back to the two before him, but saw that they too had vanished. He lowered his sword to the ground and leaned on it for a moment. These be strange behaviors for savage beasts, he thought. Am I done with them or will they try to ambush me up ahead again? He lifted the sword and was about to tear leaves from one of the nearby trees to clean off the blood, but he saw that the sword was clean. What is going on here, he wondered, amazed? He started to return the sword to the scabbard when he saw a large tawny lion step onto the path near the edge of the woods.

“Holy Mary, Mother of God, help me!” he muttered. Three wolves and a lion. Too much! Too many! A bloody mountain menagerie! “God help me in this cursed place!” he roared. He gripped the sword tightly and charged the lion.

“The lion roars; who will not be afraid?” the Knight thought to himself, just as he heard the word “strength” floating above the place of the lion who was no longer there. Instead, he beheld a lovely brown-skinned maiden standing where the lion had been! “Strength,” he muttered to himself as he jerked to a stop. “What on Earth?”

“Come, Sir Dinadin!” She said, her long black hair falling seductively over her left shoulder; she was wearing a green transparent shift; her right shoulder was bare. Her eyes were dark and as lovely as her bare brown legs. “Come with me to my home in the woods. Come with me, my handsome Knight.” She stretched her brown hand and arm towards him.

The Knight wanted to take her hand. The flesh is weak, he thought. Surely she is a lovely gift from…! No, I must stay on the path, even if she looks like Gemma. He felt a stirring in his groin, a swelling that called for attention. He tried not to look at her brown loveliness, her long black hair and her dark eyes, to no avail. Strength, he muttered to himself again, and took a half step towards her. She touched his arm, and her touch brought desire to his body like a bolt of summer lightning! Oh my God, he thought, the flesh is weak! “Strength,” he said and stepped back from her touch.

“Oh, Sir Dinadin,” she said, “Surely you wish to follow me to my home which is in the woods and only a little off this path. I can offer you bed and board, for you seem so weary and hungry.”

“I however have a task to perform and a woman I love and serve. I will not be distracted by you, no matter the delights you offer, which I can see must be many.”

“Alas, Sir Dinadin,” she replied turning toward the faint path that angled off farther into the woods, “I shall think of you often on my bed tonight, and perhaps we shall meet again soon.” With that said she disappeared into the woods, only looking over her shoulder once to see if he would follow.

The Knight had forgotten to sheath his sword in the lust of the moment; thus he shoved it into the scabbard and quickly unhooked the canteen from his belt, pulled out the cork and took a long swallow. He tried not to think about the frisky brown-skin maiden, but her image clouded his mind. He could see her smooth the green shift down her body with both hands, breasts, waist and thighs. Sigh, he breathed out. One should always act better than one truly is, and so I have done here, I think. I wonder if she was real or just another sending? Her touch certainly felt real and what would have happened if I had followed her? He shuddered slightly and shook his head, trying to rid his mind of her image. He found instead that he still desired the brown-skinned maiden and that he could not clear his mind of her. Strength, he thought. Ora pro nobis! Holy Mary, mother of God, help me! He refastened his canteen and walked out of the woods and past the path that may have led to her home. Non nisi te, he thought. Non nisi te!

The Knight looked up and saw that the sun was well past midday. He was bothered, hot and weary, yet he pressed on. Ora pro nobis, he thought again. He saw a large rectangular rock about fifty feet ahead and decided he would sit down once he reached it. He looked behind him, past the woods and down. He had climbed a goodly distance but was alarmed that he would be exhausted once he reached the dragon’s cave and unable to lift his sword. He could no longer see his roan stallion.

Nonsense, he thought. I am strong and have some courage. I have Gemma’s token which she gave me freely even though I am a bit of a fool. She, lovely as she is, is not a brown-skinned maiden, thank the good God, and I love her chastely and properly! Dragon, you will die, or on second thought, I may too. In any case, Strength!

[To be continued, I hope; see Part 2! “Gemma and the Dragon”

Below, a brown-skinned maiden or two, the second in a woods!]

ANOTHER MOWER! A.M. & LES

I was just thinking of my wonderful good fortune in getting to go to an excellent graduate school with many excellent teachers and excellent fellow students in the same classes and programs. Then I was able to teach for forty some years, 1966-67, OU; 1967-2008, Berea College. And what did I get to teach, but poems like this by Marvell and Donne, Crashaw and Herbert; Shakespeare’s marvelous plays, especially the comedies, then the histories, then the tragedies. I think my passion was always better and much greater than my insight and understanding, but I always worked hard on preparations. About the best I can claim for myself.

Then there was the giant John Milton, whom I inherited from CG, and even wrote and had published an essay on Wisdom and Beauty in PL: Two Principles. (A little pleasure there!). And the wonderful Spenser whose Faerie Queene was and still is one of my delights. C. S. Lewis said somewhere he imagined Spenser in Heaven finishing the last 6 books. Because in 1599, God said no to finishing them here. Probably!

I had one course in graduate school in American literature, but Berea assigned me the first and second semesters of American Texts anyway. I learned the delights of American literature too and also delighted in teaching it. Jonathan Edwards, not Sinners, but The Divine and Supernatural Light! The wonderful Hawthorne and the truly magnificent Scarlet Letter, the image in the novel that controls the action and forces Arthur Dimmesdale and Hester to their scaffold revelation. Literature can truly be transformative and that novel is.

Many students disliked Melville’s Moby Dick but if you understand how images work in life and literature, you can appreciate more fully what Melville and Ishmael accomplished in that novel! Well, then the women, first people at the foot of the cross, the last to see Him alive, the first to hear the good news, Mary Magdalene at the empty tomb. In literature the other person at the top of my hierarchy is (those who have had to or chose to take my senior requirement class will know) Flannery O’Connor! Her short stories are marvels of real presence, skill, inspiration and grace: Parker’s Back, Revelation, A Good Man Is Hard to Find, etc. then her Mystery and Manners, and Habit of Being! Add Eudora Welty, short stories, and Emily Dickinson, poetry, for starters.

Oh well, just enjoy! Truthfully, I have loved that Juliana / Julia all my life! Read Byron’s She Walks in Beauty like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies, and all that’s best of dark and bright meets in her aspect and her eyes!

The Other “Mower’s Song”

BY ANDREW MARVELL

My mind was once the true survey

Of all these meadows fresh and gay,

And in the greenness of the grass

Did see its hopes as in a glass;

When Juliana came, and she

What I do to the grass, does to my thoughts and me.

But these, while I with sorrow pine,

Grew more luxuriant still and fine,

That not one blade of grass you spy’d

But had a flower on either side;

When Juliana came, and she

What I do to the grass, does to my thoughts and me.

Unthankful meadows, could you so

A fellowship so true forgo?

And in your gaudy May-games meet

While I lay trodden under feet?

When Juliana came, and she

What I do to the grass, does to my thoughts and me.

But what you in compassion ought,

Shall now by my revenge be wrought;

And flow’rs, and grass, and I and all,

Will in one common ruin fall.

For Juliana comes, and she

What I do to the grass, does to my thoughts and me.

And thus, ye meadows, which have been

Companions of my thoughts more green,

Shall now the heraldry become

With which I shall adorn my tomb;

For Juliana comes, and she

What I do to the grass, does to my thoughts and me.

AND

Upon Julia's Clothes

BY ROBERT HERRICK

Whenas in silks my Julia goes, 

Then, then (methinks) how sweetly flows 

That liquefaction of her clothes. 

Next, when I cast mine eyes, and see 

That brave vibration each way free, 

O how that glittering taketh me! 

SEE C. S. Lewis’s The Personal Heresy with E. M. W. Tillyard!

Image: The Mower Today. [Bishop’s Small Engine Repair]. Alas!

TWO MOWERS: LES

While I can’t say Larkin is a favorite poet of mine, nevertheless, when I came across a bit of verse from this poem today, I looked it up, of course, and discovered that I had committed a similar bloody slaughter, 40 or 50 years ago. We had grass in our backyard once and could even throw the frisbee there, or a small rubber football, or a whiffle ball. Of course, having grass there meant having to mow it regularly.

I remember two disasters associated with my backyard mowing. The first victim was a fairly small garter snake. I had inadvertently clipped a section from his tail and suddenly, as I pulled the mower back, there he was reared up as if he were a giant, venom-spitting cobra. I could see where I had taken a piece of flesh from his lower region, but I had never been confronted by a creature so ineffective and so furious. He struck and struck and struck while I watched amazed, a little appalled, and also amused; its reaction was so out of portion to its size. I was of course sorry that I had hurt the little creature, even though whenever I came upon a large rat or hog nose snake unexpectedly, I always experienced what Emily Dickinson described in one of poems as “zero at the bone.”

Neither my wife nor I would ever harm a non venomous snake; however, for a while, as she was transforming our backyard into a garden that a KET documentary, several years ago, included as one of the seven secret gardens of Kentucky, I was required to capture the large snakes she encountered there and safely remove them. I always did and they always made me shiver as I caught and picked them up. I always took them elsewhere and released them safely; sometimes I called the college’s resident biologist who collected snakes, and he would drive by and literally take them off my hands. I remember wearing gloves; he was fearless and used bare hands. His wife, I remember, taught psychology at Berea, and for the life of me, I cannot remember their names.

Eventually that cutting day in the dim and distant past, the little garter snake calmed down and slithered away. I made certain it was well gone before I continued mowing. My second victim was not so fortunate.

Whenever we found a box turtle on a local street or road, my wife would insist that I pull over and rescue the turtle before a Kentucky driver saw it and aimed for it, too often the case, unfortunately. To this day we have at least one box turtle living in the backyard garden who usually appears once or twice a year and then miraculously, it seems, vanishes without a trace. Various times Mary would come in the house to get me to see the turtle only to discover that in the five minutes that summoning took, the turtle had vanished.

Several years ago we had two lovely turtles in one of our ponds. Of course they ate the feeder fish she put in the pond too, but they were delightful to watch and feed regular turtle food pellets. They lasted into the second year. Then one disappeared; a month or two later the second one vanished and we have not seen them since. Our backyard is fenced and difficult for creatures like that to leave, but these two seemed to have managed.

Well, I have delayed my tragic story long enough, the one that goes back 40 or 50 years, when we still had grass and I could walk and mow. It was another hot summer day and I had mowed the easy parts of the yard, as well as under the apple tree (I think it was an apple tree then, now long gone), where I happened to have to duck under a branch that was head height, in order to mow under the tree. One day I looked up to avoid knocking my head on it as I mowed, only to discover a very large rat snake stretched out along it. Fascinating! We agreed not disturb one another and that was fine, peaceful coexistence you could say.

However, on the day in question, very long grass grew along the chain link fence on the south side of the yard. It was difficult to get the mower along the fence so I tended to let it grow and not worry about cutting it every time. This day, however, I unfortunately figured out a way to get the mower to cut the grass. I would simply push down on the handle, raise the mower into the air above the tall grass and then gently lower the mower down onto the grass. So I did, but when the mower came all the way down on the grass there was a god-awful racket and green grass and turtle shell and blood shot out of the side of the machine. I had killed one of the backyard turtles that had been, apparently, resting in the long grass. I was sick at heart for I really like turtles. As with the snake, I can still see the consequences of my blind mowing. Thus when I looked up Larkin’s poem, I was immediately reminded of these incidents. I avoided saying, for a bit, struck by the similarity!

God be with us, every one.

The Mower

BY PHILIP LARKIN

The mower stalled, twice; kneeling, I found

A hedgehog jammed up against the blades,

Killed. It had been in the long grass.

I had seen it before, and even fed it, once.

Now I had mauled its unobtrusive world

Unmendably. Burial was no help:

Next morning I got up and it did not.

The first day after a death, the new absence

Is always the same; we should be careful

Of each other, we should be kind

While there is still time.

Philip Larkin, "The Mower" from Collected Poems. Copyright © Estate of Philip Larkin. Reprinted by permission of Faber and Faber, Ltd.

Images: turtle in pond, our pond, I think.

Day lily with bug, another backyard denizen, with wings, and green!

PART 2: Or DEMONS? LES

Angels or Demons?

[a short story of sorts, continues]

When Jonathan had finished his tale, I saw that all our mugs were nearly empty. “How about it guys? Another round? In any case after luminous faces and six-eyed suns or angels, I need something more to drink. You all on board?” I started to get up to go into the house.

Peter immediately grinned and said, “Just don’t forget. It’s your turn. Don’t try to distract us with your more beer ploy, though we appreciate the offer. Eh, brother Jon?”

“Indeed, my friend. Right you are. The potato chip bowl is empty too. And didn’t I hear you mention carrot slices, celery sticks and beer cheese earlier, or was that just more of my —er— imaginings?” Jon and Peter both laughed, as did I.

In fact I had forgotten the food and beer cheese; well nigh unforgivable offenses in our group. I chuckled and went into the house, took three bottles of Michelob dark from the fridge along with the carrots, celery and beer cheese. I took the beer out first, set mine down on the metal table next to my chair, then handed a bottle to each of the guys.

I went back into the house, got down a pack of paper plates, unstuck three from the pack, stabbed the beer cheese with a small serving knife with a green plastic handle, grabbed a new bag of Lays’ crinkled chips from the pantry, put everything on a handy serving try, and went to the heavy sliding glass door. Peter had gotten up to get the door, and we were set. He returned to his chair and I to mine. I poured the fresh cold beer into my mug, and leaned back.

“How now brown cow?” said Jonathan. “Do you, the English teacher, have a story of the supernatural ready for us. Surely, Michael, you’ve had some kind of uncanny experience, even given your youth.” He laughed and looked at Peter. I was 39, the youngest of the group, though I had been teaching at STC since I was 27, fresh out of grad school, with a Doctor of Philosophy degree and a brand new blue gown with sash, full of myself and nearly scared witless when I met my first class here. Even though I had a legitimate degree from a reputable institution, the University of Michigan, no less, I knew I really knew next to nothing substantial. But I had faith, not in myself. I was a Catholic and sometimes critical of that institution, though I was sincere in my belief about Christ, the cross, and the resurrection. I toughed out those first long weeks and said I didn’t know when I didn’t know, which was more often than it should have been. I still get nervous before each class.

I discovered quickly, however, that I loved teaching, loved working on preparations, and charting insights on the blackboards. I also loved working with bright and curious students. Oddly, though my first love was Shakespeare, I think I did my best teaching in the short story class that I somehow picked up soon after I started at St. Thomas. Short stories are good to teach because they can be dealt with in their entirety in a single 50 minute class. My favorite authors in this genre are Flannery—“If it’s just a symbol to hell with it”—O’Connor; Eudora—The Golden Apples—Welty; and James—Dubliners—Joyce.

Actually, I was stuck. I had had an experience a couple months ago when I was in the hospital with Covid-19. I was however shy about recounting it. It was all I had though.

“Okay,” I said. “I think I’m ready. You remember when I was in our good Catholic hospital with a fairly severe case of Covid? Headache, fever, difficulty breathing. The latter was the thing that put me in the hospital. I’d heard that taste and smell might be affected, but since my head was always stuffed up anyway, who knows?”

Both men nodded, they remembered, then looked at me as though they couldn’t believe I was about to tell them a hospital story. Jonathan put a large chip back on his plate, leaned forward, and said, “You aren’t about to give us a Henry James untrustworthy narrator, I hope.”

“No! I plucked this one from Cervantes,” I replied, crunching a carrot covered with beer cheese. I took a big gulp of my beer to wash the food down, leaned back and tried to look somewhat professorial. “My experience happened the third night I was there. I was much recovered, the respirator was gone—I had had the first two shots, after all.”

I suddenly felt a chilling breeze blow across the deck, an apt precursor to my slightly chilling experience I thought. I noticed that both Jonathan and Peter felt it too.

“Do you guys want to go inside for a while?”

“No we don’t “ said Peter, “and quit stalling.”

“I’m not stalling,” I said. “It was just such a frightening experience that I hesitate even to try to explain it.”

“Well, go for it,” said Peter. “Or we’ll have to have more beer if you don’t get to it quickly now.”

“Okay, okay! It was my third night there, and after eleven o’clock hospitals tend to get eerily quiet, especially in isolation wards. The lights seem dimmer, and there are few sounds from the hall since most patients are asleep, and there are only a few nurses left to cover emergencies on each floor. I was on the third floor and at one end of the long hospital corridor, about four or five Covid rooms from the nurse’s station in the middle.

“I remember that I had been reading something rather spooky out of a collection of short stories by Dorothy Sayers, I think. I had gotten past the Lord Peter stories, 2, and the Montague Egg stories, 5, I believe. I had made it through the various other mysteries in the collection to a final haunting tale of a heinous murder of a little boy. I had just finished that story when I fell asleep.

“I had the nurse keep one of the overhead lights on so I could see to read. It must have been about 2 when the drugs and sleep caught up with me and I passed out, so to speak. The next thing I knew though was that there was an unmasked nurse in my room, next to my bed. She was quite beautiful, wearing a dark green nurse’s uniform, darker than the one the last nurse had on.

“Her eyes were a deep black almost, and she smiled down at me and said, ‘Time to draw some blood.’ Her voice was a little chilling. I glanced at the clock. It was 3 a.m. She had just started to move the brown metal hospital tray from across my body, when suddenly she drew back her hand as if she had been burned. ‘What’s the matter?’ I asked her. She looked at the tray which held several books, the large plastic water pitcher with its dark blue cap and white straw sticking through it, and several other things.

“When she looked down at me again, I saw that her lips were curled in a bestial snarl, and her incisors glistened in the room’s light; she was trying to grab my right arm which was exposed. I felt something sharp in my arm as she bent over it, and I swung my left fist at her, heard a loud crash and woke up, shivering and sweating. There was no nurse in the room and I had hit the edge of the metal tray apparently.”

“So you were dreaming of some kind of demonic attack?” Peter asked. “And then you woke up when your fist hit the tray? Well, that’s disappointing. I wanted a real demon. A good old fashioned succubus perhaps.”

“I think she was that,” I said, “though she wasn’t trying for sex since the tray was in the way. She couldn’t move it and was trying for my blood instead.”

“Why do you suppose she couldn’t move tray, assuming there was something really there?” Jonathan looked skeptical.

“Because,” I responded, “my Vatican rosary was also sitting on it. Blessed by the Pope! Heavy artillery! Furthermore,” I continued, “when I looked at my right arm there were the beginnings of two slight puncture wounds with a tiny bit of blood on the top of each. I’m pretty sure she or it was there.”

“It’s a Catholic hospital,” said Peter. “How could she (or it) get around all the crucifixes on the walls of every room?”

“The efficacy of every icon depends on the faith of the person who has it, perhaps. It may be a Catholic hospital but I suspect most of the patients aren’t especially religious in this day, age and culture.”

“Yes, but you are and she got past the one in your room.”

“That’s the thing. There wasn’t one in my room. I asked the masked nurse about that later, my “Lone Ranger,” ha, and she said that a former patient had probably pulled it off and taken it home. They do that sometimes. She said she would see that it was replaced quickly. I didn’t tell her about my strange encounter as she was busy drawing blood from my left arm and running it into one of her two little vials. Since she was taking it out of my left arm, she didn’t notice the “bite” marks. However, when she looked away, I picked up the used alcohol swab she had put down on the tray and wiped the blood off the two wounds.”

“This storytelling has been quite a trip,” said Peter, draining his mug and crunching a coated baby carrot. “That beer cheese is really excellent; where did you buy it?”

“Kroger’s, where else? Like the first day of creation in Genesis, the beer cheese is good!”

That comment earned me two savory “Amens!”

Jonathan, having finished his beer, said, “I’ll help you carry this stuff back inside, and then I have to be going. Big night ahead of me. I intend to binge watch the fourth season of ‘Inspector George Gently,’ only two episodes, I think, though each is an hour and a half. He’s a great character, one of the few really morally sound characters on TV.”

“Serendipity,” I said. “We could watch them here, for that’s where I am too. How about it Peter? You up for some good TV detective stories, the rational world, after our tales of the supernatural and uncanny? I’ve got cold meat—thin sliced ham, plenty of bread and provolone. Sandwiches for supper, if that’s okay with you guys.”

“Well, I haven’t seen any of this series, but sure, it sounds like fun, as long as there’s a beer or three left. Let’s bring the chips and beer cheese, make those cold meat sandwiches, turn on the TV, gently, and go for it.”

And that’s what we did!

First Image: Not a nurse! Nightmare succubus prowling a hospital hall! Definitely not a nurse! [image by MJS]

Second Image: Could be a nurse! Definitely could be, playing a role?

Part 1: ANGELS LES

Angels or Demons?

[a short story of sorts]

We were sitting on my backyard deck in mid August, drinking beer, relaxing, laughing and having a general good time, Peter, Jonathan, and I. We tried not to think about the fact that in one week school would resume for the fall semester. We all taught at a small Christian college in the Midwest, St. Thomas Catholic, or STC. The students called it a small Christian college for small Christians, of course. Or sometimes they referred to it as a college long on Jesus, short on cash, especially when the tuition got raised significantly each year. A student did not have to be Catholic to study there, but he or she was required to attend Mass twice a week regardless. Like the Israelites in the desert, they grumbled, but they went. Seats were assigned, attendance was taken. Peter, Jon and I were Catholic though we agreed that Mass should be a matter of faith and choice and not a requirement. STC also required 6 hours of religious studies which amounted to 2 out of 3 courses.

As teachers, Peter, Peter Grant was theology and philosophy, Jonathan Westwood was foreign language, Spanish and Latin, and I was an English literature teacher, primarily Renaissance, specializing in Shakespeare, Spenser, and the so-called Metaphysical poets, especially Donne and Herbert. All three of us were also required to teach general studies courses, part of what was called the “core moral and theological curriculum.” We taught in the senior requirement course called simply, “Christianity and Contemporary Culture.”

Sitting on the deck that night we had watched the sun set and the stars emerge as the light faded. The planet Venus was the first celestial body to appear though the sky was somewhat cloudy, keeping the lesser lights hidden, the stars that is. Peter, mostly bald and heavyset, said suddenly, “Have either of you guys ever had a real supernatural encounter? One that you couldn’t account for rationally?” He paused to take a sip from his beer mug.

Jonathan quickly asked, “What do you mean? Are you talking about God here? Angels? Or what?”

“Not necessarily God,” said Peter. “Though I was thinking about an experience I had about ten years ago which I usually don’t like to talk about, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately.” Peter was 52, an easygoing person not given to fanciful tales. He did have a fine sense of humor.

“Well,” I said, “are you going to explain what you mean or just leave us in suspense?”

Peter took another drink from his mug, and began his story. “It was an early fall, and evening had come on quickly. I had gone for a drive in the country that afternoon to enjoy the fall leaves that had turned colors brilliantly that year. Especially the reds and yellows. I was down in southern Ohio following back roads and not paying too much attention to where I was geographically, so to speak. Evening had come on and I was trying to find my way back to a main highway when I hit a slick spot on the road. My car skidded off the road and turned upside down into a fast flowing large stream that ran beside the road. It was dark, the water was cold and rushing into the car, and I couldn’t get the seatbelt to open. I thought surely I was going to drown.”

“Obviously you didn’t,” I said. “How did you get out?”

“That’s the thing,” said Peter. “I had help. Just as I thought I was done for, a young man with a somewhat luminescent face showed up beside my window. He said, “Let me help you,” then he yanked the door open, reached in and popped open my seat belt; he pulled me out so that I was standing in water up to my knees and leaning against the body of the car. I turned around to thank him, but there was no one there. Five seconds. I turned and there was no one there. I waded to the bank and climbed out onto the road, but he had simply vanished. There was no one present to thank, except God, I suppose, but the young man who had saved my life was nowhere to be found. He had simply vanished.”

Jon and I were both quiet. Finally Jon said, “What happened next? How did you get to town?”

“An old farmer was driving his truck down that road. He stopped and picked me up. Didn’t even mind about my wet clothes on his seat. He drove me into town, told me exactly where we were, and I got the car pulled out the next day.”

“Are you sure there was a young man there?” I asked. “Maybe you were in shock from the accident and just imagined the guy.”

“I’ve thought about the experience a lot. I saw his face clearly. It was slightly luminescent and as clear as you are now, as I said. At least I think it was. And he was strong. I also heard him speak remember. I think he must have been an Angel of some sorts. I don’t know how else to understand my rescue. I would have drowned without his help!”

“Well,” said Jon, “let us drink to this good fellow, Angel, whatever.”

“Here here,” I said, and we all picked up our mugs and toasted the fellow, whoever he was.

Pete skooched around in his chair trying to get his rather ample butt into a more comfortable position. He looked at Jon and me. “Do either of you have a comparable experience? Surely one of you must have had some kind of supernatural encounter sometime, eh?”

Jonathan leaned forward a bit in his chair and shuffled his feet on the deck. He was 43 and had been at STC the longest. He had a full head of dark hair and a two or three day dark beard, the kind I always envied. He coughed into his hand and cleared his throat. “I’m not sure this counts,” he said, “but I had an unusual experience not too long ago. I’m not sure it counts as supernatural, but it was somewhat uncanny, if you know what I mean.”

“I know what uncanny means,” I said, “but tell us your experience and we’ll see.”

“Okay. I was driving south on the interstate just at sunset. I glanced to my right to look at the sun as it was one of those beautiful swirling orange sunsets, with the sun magnified near the horizon and lighting up the low clouds on either side. I drove down my exit ramp to take the left turn into town. That road runs east/west. There’s a traffic light at the road, as you both know. Since I had a red light, I stopped and looked again to the west where the sun seemed to be sitting at the end of that road. It was still the swirling orange brightness I had seen before, though this time the sun looked like the head of a flaming angelic being with burning arms holding the world. Moreover, for a moment there seemed to be three sets of eyes looking right at me.

“Suddenly a car behind me honked, jerking me out of my celestial reverie, so to speak. Instead of turning left into town, I turned right out into the country toward the setting sun. I saw no more eyes as it sank below the horizon, but I had driven about a half a mile when I saw a dark shape in the ditch on the left side of the road. It looked like a dog. I pulled the car into the next driveway and turned around and stopped beside the creature, a dog. As I got out and walked around the car, I saw him wag his tail. Two thumps! Thank God he was alive, but he must have been hit by a car, for there was blood on his side and head and he had a broken hind leg. I put a blanket down on the front seat, and as gently as I could, I lifted him out of the ditch and put him down on the blanket. I drove him to the vets, left him overnight and picked him up the next evening. He’s been with me ever since, and he’s the best dog I’ve ever had. You all know him. That’s how I got him. Called him Gabe, after the Angel, though he is just a big goofy mutt.

“I know the sun is the sun,” he said, picking up his mug and taking a long pull, “but if I hadn’t seen eyes I don’t think I would have turned right and I wouldn’t have found my dog. My imagination may have been playing tricks on me, I don’t know but I think the whole experience counts as uncanny.”

Pete and I chuckled and said we’d let him count it.

“Well thanks “ he said, then added, “Except for the vet’s bill which came to 500 dollars or something close to that. Not unreasonable considering all the injuries, but in the long run he was worth it. A real gift.”

END PART 1; SEE PART 2

for continuation and conclusion

LES

“GOD BLESS”. LES

[Breaking news tonight; heartbreaking news]

[The reporter knelt before the 10 year old boy and held up his mike:

“What was going through your mind when you saw your friends shot and killed?”

The boy hesitated, then stammered out, “I guess I thought I might die.”]

The Anchor

This is the story of a man named Les

Who discovers the world

Is a bubbling mess, crude and cruel—

Governed by sycophants, run by a fool,

Eager for gold, never heard of the rule.

Got himself a job speaking the news,

Mostly the bad stuff, mostly the blues—

Went down to Texas when the shooting was done,

To talk to the parents who had lost a loved one,

A child that is, intolerable grief, unstoppable tears,

Anguish and heartbreak, mass consumption and fears—

What happened in Texas is like oil for our ears.

That’s Uvalde, Texas at Robb Elementary where

The Anchor presides with his well-coiffed hair;

Twenty-one dead but he opens with flair,

Talking to survivors: “I pretended to be dead,

Smeared some blood on my face and my head,

From those lying around me,” the little girl said—

[Next we’ll hear from an off-duty Sheriff’s Deputy,

Whose little girl didn’t make it out:

Thoughts and prayers, thoughts and prayers!]

Talking to the parents of their little girl lost,

Grief-stricken people who can’t reckon the cost:

What would you say is sustaining you now?

[Close-up of the father; wait for the “how”]

“Nothing; we aren’t doing well;

It feels like we’re in the last circle of Hell.”

So many stories of heartbreak and loss

Soul-crushing stories, like Christ on the cross,

And all I can say as I wrap this report

Is a heartfelt “God Bless,” my hopeful support.

[Anchors Away]

Anchors away

Uvalde, Texas; Robb Elementary

Tributes pouring in

Outrage at the response

The shooter locked himself in a classroom and carried out the unthinkable—

Crushing heartache

But we begin with Tom Llamas

Thank you for pushing for those answers Tom—I.e. for your apparent outrage and anger

“Why?” He yelled and waved his hand

Twelve missing minutes, an hour to kill.

Now the stories of survival from some of those inside Robb Elementary, heartbreak for those who didn’t make it.

Lester: the roving anchor (a symbol of hope)

Tonight as This small Texas town remembers 21 lives stolen…

We’re learning more about the nightmare that unfolded inside RE as the killer unleashed his rampage on the children and teachers celebrating their last week of school.

Today I spoke with 10 year old Menalla Chavez and her dad; the stories are horrifying.

We were watching a movie….

And there is more unbearable news as we hear from the family of the 4th grade teacher who was killed. Her husband died of a heart attack two days later.

[Thoughts and prayers; thoughts and prayers]

10 year old child who smeared blood on her self while students and friends were being killed around her. You were very brave.

A dead girl’s parents present outside.

I spoke with her parents Kimberly and Felix!

“Our beautiful baby girl “. [show clip of her hitting a home run]

[Show closeup of the father’s face] picture of Lexie getting the good citizen award, and her mother adds, she was on the honor roll: we take her out for ice cream.

We told her we loved her and that we would pick her up after school.

She must have been very excited that day getting all those awards.

So how long after you left before things happen?

Off duty sheriff’s deputy when he heard about the shooting. Question: Did you have any idea that your daughter might be involved?

Is this something you thought about, worried about ? [closeup of the mother’s face, barely holding it together for the famous anchor. Mother: Of course it just keeps happening in this country and nobody does anything about it. [Weeping copious tears, on camera]

Tonight the emotions are overwhelming; what is sustaining you right now?

Nothing. We’re not doing well. Felix and Kimberly.

So many stories of heartbreak and loss, soul crushing, and all you’re left to say is “god bless.”

Thank you Lester

Now

From Texas to Nowhere, after a short break:

  1. Actor Kevin Spacey once again accused of sexual misconduct.

  2. Spacey denies allegations.

IMAGE: If only…

GOD’S GRANDEUR: 3 POEMS

Three poems I love:

[see Bartley.com]

Gerard Manley Hopkins (1844–89). Poems. 1918.

7. God’s Grandeur

THE WORLD is charged with the grandeur of God.

It will flame out, like shining from shook foil;

It gathers to a greatness, like the ooze of oil

Crushed. Why do men then now not reck his rod?

Generations have trod, have trod, have trod; 5

And all is seared with trade; bleared, smeared with toil;

And wears man’s smudge and shares man’s smell: the soil

Is bare now, nor can foot feel, being shod.

And for all this, nature is never spent;

There lives the dearest freshness deep down things; 10

And though the last lights off the black West went

Oh, morning, at the brown brink eastward, springs—

Because the Holy Ghost over the bent

World broods with warm breast and with ah! bright wings.

13. Pied Beauty

GLORY be to God for dappled things—

For skies of couple-colour as a brinded cow;

For rose-moles all in stipple upon trout that swim;

Fresh-firecoal chestnut-falls; finches’ wings;

Landscape plotted and pieced—fold, fallow, and plough; 5

And áll trádes, their gear and tackle and trim.

All things counter, original, spare, strange;

Whatever is fickle, freckled (who knows how?)

With swift, slow; sweet, sour; adazzle, dim;

He fathers-forth whose beauty is past change: 10

Praise him

11. Goodfriday, 1613. Riding Westward

By John Donne (1573–1631)

LET mans Soule be a Spheare, and then, in this,

The intelligence that moves, devotion is,

And as the other Spheares, by being growne

Subject to forraigne motions, lose their owne,

And being by others hurried every day, 5

Scarce in a yeare their naturall forme obey:

Pleasure or businesse, so, our Soules admit

For their first mover, and are whirld by it.

Hence is’t, that I am carryed towards the West

This day, when my Soules forme bends toward the East. 10

There I should see a Sunne, by rising set,

And by that setting endlesse day beget;

But that Christ on this Crosse, did rise and fall,

Sinne had eternally benighted all.

Yet dare I’almost be glad, I do not see 15

That spectacle of too much weight for mee.

Who sees Gods face, that is selfe life, must dye;

What a death were it then to see God dye?

It made his owne Lieutenant Nature shrinke,

It made his footstoole crack, and the Sunne winke. 20

Could I behold those hands which span the Poles,

And turne all spheares at once, peirc’d with those holes?

Could I behold that endlesse height which is

Zenith to us, and our Antipodes,

Humbled below us? or that blood which is 25

The seat of all our Soules, if not of his,

Made durt of dust, or that flesh which was worne

By God, for his apparell, rag’d, and torne?

If on these things I durst not looke, durst I

Upon his miserable mother cast mine eye, 30

Who was Gods partner here, and furnish’d thus

Halfe of that Sacrifice, which ransom’d us?

Though these things, as I ride, be from mine eye,

They’are present yet unto my memory,

For that looks towards them; and thou look’st towards mee, 35

O Saviour, as thou hang’st upon the tree;

I turne my backe to thee, but to receive

Corrections, till thy mercies bid thee leave.

O thinke mee worth thine anger, punish mee.

Burne off my rusts, and my deformity, 40

Restore thine Image, so much, by thy grace,

That thou may’st know mee, and I’ll turne my face.

Image: “Earthriseas 1” Historic image remastered. Image Credit: NASA, Apollo 8 Crew, Bill Anders. Processing and License: Jim Weigang.

Image #2: Pleiades: The Seven Sisters Star Cluster. Image credit and Copyright: Damien Cannane.

God’s Grandeur!

A PARABLE, PERHAPS! LES

My Little Dog

“Glory be to God for dappled things—“

(“Pied Beauty,” Gerard Manley Hopkins)

The man stood before a pillar of brilliant fiery light in a grassy meadow. The man could barely look at the light, it was so intense. When the man tried to look up, the intensity dimmed enough for him to see what seemed to be the outline of a figure within. A voice came from the light: “Who are you?” it said. “What do you desire here?”

Terrified, the man spoke, softly, barely above a whisper. “My name is John, John Delacourt.”He hesitated: “I was outside looking for my little dog Simon when, I don’t know, something happened. I can’t quite remember.” He shuddered slightly.

“Your dog has been dead for a year and three months,” said the voice from the burning light.

“What? That’s impossible,” cried the man. “I was looking for him just a minute ago. He ran out of my yard and across the street. Someone left the gate open. I was just going after him.”

The man looked at the light before him, now an intense flame, a burning figure of a tall giant being of some sort, with wings, definitely not human. John backed away from the flames, shaken and stunned.

“What are you?” the man tried to ask, though the words died on his lips.

“A seraph,” said the voice from the now all-consuming flame, “your angelic host.”

The man stumbled further back, away from the burning creature. “A seraph? No! I don’t understand! I just wanted my little dog,” he said, his voice barely a whisper. “He’s a little dachshund, a silver-dappled dachshund. He’s ten and a half years old; he’s all I have.”

The firm voice from the fiery winged creature said, “The little dog died three years ago. You died in your sleep a year and nine months ago. What do you desire?” The seraph’s question demanded an answer, but the man could scarcely think.

“What? No! No! That can’t be true! I was just out looking for my little dog.” He backed further away from the creature, stumbled again and fell down. The ground was hard, but the grass was relatively soft and somewhat cushioned his fall. He pushed himself up with his hands and briefly thought about running. The flaming creature had not moved. Ashamed of himself and full of self-pity, he started to cry.

“Where am I?” he asked at last, wiping his eyes and looking at the winged creature of fire and light.

“This is the beginning of Heaven or Hell,” said the deep fiery voice. “The little dog was a gift for you, for a time and a time and a time and a half, but never yours to keep forever. We have him now, as we have all things. What do you desire?”

The man couldn’t think. He desired his little dog. “My little dog,” he said weakly, uncertainly. The man’s throat was so dry; he needed water; he had a terrible thirst. “Water,” he managed to croak out barely above a whisper.

The burning figure quickly responded, “There is a stream flowing down from that distant hill: there is an olive tree beside the stream, off to your right. You may quench your thirst there, if you so desire.”

The man looked and saw a stream in the distance with a green olive tree beside it. The water glistened in the light and looked inviting.

“Shall we go?” said the flaming seraph.

“Can’t I just go by myself?” gasped the man.

“No. You are my task and I must fulfill it. I will go with you until you decide.”

“All right,” the man shuddered. “I really need water.”

Just then the man looked down and found himself beside the clear-flowing stream. He hadn’t taken a step. The fiery being stood off to the side. The water sparkled in the light and looked delightful. The man knelt beside the water under the shadow of the olive tree growing nearby; he cupped his hands and drank. The water was truly cool and sweet. He discovered his thirst was quenched. He rose to his feet, turned to face his fiery companion, and saw that he was suddenly alone in the meadow.

He looked wildly around; then off in the distance he saw what appeared to be a small dark dog with a second figure walking beside it; both were heading toward the hills from whence came the water. The man turned toward the hills and began quickly to follow the distant figures.

“That was always what was meant to be,” said the deep fiery voice that filled the air around him as he began to walk.

LES

LORD, save my life for the sake of your name; in your justice, lead my soul out of distress.

Psalm 143: Grail Edition; 7th Penitential Psalm

WHAT’S NEWS? LES

An Apologia por me Vita

“Sic”

I always hesitate to “Save and Publish” these kinds of exercises, for they are so bad. I would give anything to be able to write a good line of verse, but the task seems hopelessly beyond me, my glass always half empty, or worse. I let them sit for a while, usually; I tinker with them, changing a word here, rewriting a line there. In the end, however, my tinkering doesn’t change much. They are what they are, ha, as long as they rhyme (even such a worn one as head / dead gives me pleasure); small meager things, these verses, I admit, but mine own this time. Seriously. Mostly. LES

Seriously?

I used to watch the news each night

Brown shining eyes, unusually bright

With Lester or Norah, Jose or Kate

Lips spitting forth the last act of Fate

Skeleton buildings, women in tears

Sympathy extended, lies for our ears.

Is the mike hot, are our hearts cold

How can we watch a poor nation sold

People before us, everything lost

Mass graves in the garden, all souls tossed

Easter has past now, will Jesus remain

Hidden in bread, loving hearts or Spring rain?

Are We Live?

Tell me how you feel, Sweetheart

What thoughts went through your head

When the shooting started

Are many people dead?

The images are disturbing

With bodies in the street

A gunman shooting randomly

Even Angels cry retreat.

God hides his face in sorrow

For the fallen human race

The cross was not enough, it seems

Nor freely given grace.

You’re in our thoughts and prayers

We say, in our restless hearts

Tell me, Sweetheart, how you feel

When the shooting starts!

Easter Morning 33 A.D.

plus or minus

The stone was rolled, off stage right

The tomb left empty as bridal bower

The soldiers fled to drink and hide

The Gardner looks—His power hidden.

What else here has been concealed—

Just Nature’s Law for Him repealed?

Editor’s Footnote: the last line is apparently a real question. Make of it what you will. The image that follows is that of Jesus and the rich young man. Given that there are so many empty tomb or resurrection images available, I fail to see why the writer chose that one. Oh well, writers are frequently eccentric, as we all well know.

SUFFERING. LES/D. DAY

Suffering is indeed a mystery, as Dorothy Day says below. How are we, how am I to understand it? I copied her “Meditation” because it provides an answer of sorts and an image. English teachers love images. This one seems to be apt, for the moment: the image is essentially that of a fruit tree, a garden image, a Biblical image. If you cut a branch off of a fruit tree, the branch will wither and die and fail to bear fruit. If, however, the branch remains on the heathy tree, it will eventually bear fruit, as we all know.

I remember how in the home where I grew up in Tiffin, Ohio we had a Concord grape vine [“tree”] just off the walk to the garage. Originally there were two arbors, one on either side of the walk to the garage; then for some reason, my father removed the arbor to the left of the walk, but he kept the one to the right of the walk. That arbor was the strongest and most fruitful, for the grapes it bore were in large clusters and were delicious. However, each fall, if my memory doesn’t fail me, he and I, once I was old enough, would have to prune the branches down to two knobs that were like knuckles on the growing vine, the purpose being to let the vine grow a new and healthy extension in the coming spring so that it would produce large, healthy clusters of delicious grapes the following year. And it always did, but the pruning was necessary. The result manifested itself in an abundant harvest of grapes that my mother would turn into delicious grape pies and that my father would, with the help of my mother and me, turn into sweet wine. All of the grapes for wine went into a large round ceramic container, a very large crock pot! Then the three of us, like the three witches in Macbeth possibly, would sit around the container picking grapes off the clusters; once that was done we would reach into the pot and squeeze and squeeze and squeeze. Beyond that my memory fails me. I remember a large white cloth bag that had turned purple and was dripping juice, and I remember a very large 30 gallon barrel into which the juice, water, and sugar would go for the fermentation process, but my father took care of all those things. My father and mother and their friends enjoyed my father’s wine; each year it was a little different, some years better than others.

The last thing I remember about the wine was that after my father died, the Church which he and my mother attended, the United Church of Christ, requested some bottles of his wine for use in one of their communion services. They had been a strictly grape juice church for a long time, but in later years apparently they had one communion service in a smaller room where they used my father’s wine instead of grape juice. I let them take as much as they wanted out of the bottles that were left. For years and years the pruning paid off. And now I am the one being pruned. The process hurts and it makes me dependent on other people to do for me the things I can no longer do for myself. Finally, I suppose, it makes me dependent on God, though frequently I feel a bit like Job who also had to deal with, or rather accept, the mystery of suffering in the end. There is purpose in suffering. I can see that though I hardly ever understand it. But then, that’s why it is a mystery. All I can do finally is trust in God to bring good out of it. Fortitude.

“The Grace to Accept Being Pruned

The only answer to the mystery of suffering is this: every soul seeks happiness either in creatures (where it cannot be satisfied in the long run) or in God. God made us for himself. We must die to the natural to achieve the supernatural, a slow death or a quick one. It is universal. Unless the grain of wheat fall into the ground and die, it remains alone, but if it dies, it bears much fruit. All must die; it is a universal law very hard for us to realize.

If this mind or this flesh is an obstacle, we will suffer the more when this tremendous lover tries to tear from us all veils which separate us. Some suffering is more visible, some hidden. The more we long for love, the more all human love will be pruned…. It is a pruning, a cutting away of love so that it will grow strong and bear much fruit…. But still, suffering is a mystery as well as a penalty which we pay for others as well as for ourselves. How gigantic was that first sin, that turning from God! All nature travails and groans even until now because of it, Saint Paul says….

The mystery of suffering. I feel presumptuous in writing of so high and lofty a thing. It is because I am not now suffering that I can write, but it is also because I have suffered in the past that I can write. I write to comfort others as I have been comforted. The word comfort too means to be strong together, to have fortitude together. There is the reminder of community. Once when I suffered and sat in church in a misery while waves and billows passed over me, I suddenly thought, with exultation, “I am sharing suffering,” and it was immediately lightened.”

Servant of God Dorothy Day

Dorothy Day († 1980) was a convert to Catholicism and the co-founder of the Catholic Worker movement. / From On Pilgrimage.© 1999, William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, Grand Rapids, MI. Used with permission.

Images: Concord grapes In clusters. Second image: ripe Concord grapes in crock pot; unripe grapes behind the crock. “Ripe grapes (foreground) and unripe grapes (background). Unripe grapes can be made into verjuice.”